Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
