please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
