I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
