In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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