Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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