I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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