The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
