New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
