Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
