I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
