Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
