is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I didn't notice because vodka
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
