The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
