She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
