I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
