Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
