new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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