I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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