If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its liver damage thursday
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
