If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
