I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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