Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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