Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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