She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I AM VODKA MAN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
