i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
