one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
