Texts From Last Night · realist's Favorites

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realist's Favorites Texts:

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(352): View more from Florida

The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

(1-352): View more from Florida

Oh God. You're going to jail

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(443): View more from Maryland

i drank out of a bidet.

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(705): View more from Ontario

You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.

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(408): View more from California

My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.

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(647): View more from Ontario

making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.

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(817): View more from Texas

He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

(1-817): View more from Texas

Actually, she's fat now, so...

(817): View more from Texas

Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

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