Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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