Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
