he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
