I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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