I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
