I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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