He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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