Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
