plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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