I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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