What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
