shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
