I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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