when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
