we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My life is pants optional.
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