I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
