Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
