Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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