woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
this will be a night to untag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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