How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
