whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
