Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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