tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she told me i tasted like america
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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