I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
