Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
