I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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