Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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